Playing catch. Manning the grill. Changing a tire. These are a few stereotypical things that come to mind when we think about a dad’s role in the family. You may not immediately associate fathers with feelings. But studies have shown how dads play an important role in fostering a child’s emotional intelligence.

During a health crisis, a pandemic, and even during typical development, children have big feelings. Oftentimes, those feelings get displayed through behaviors like screaming, hitting, biting, etc. I’ll explain why it’s helpful for dads (and all caretakers!) to talk about their own feelings and notice and express their children’s feelings.

Help connect the right and left sides of children’s brains.

We have all heard about the left and right sides of the brain. You may know a little about the right side linked to creativity, while the left side is linked to math and science. You may not know that the right side of the brain is linked to emotional intelligence and emotional expression, and the left side is in charge of language and analytical thinking. As your children grow and develop, they have not yet come up with the “best” coping skills when they are feeling sad, angry, or overwhelmed. But, parents can help build lifelong skills in children’s emotional intelligence, language, and analytical thinking by talking about feelings in relation to behaviors. By talking about children’s feelings, they are able to notice what is going on in their body to gain clues about their own and others' emotions. By linking feelings with alternative behaviors, children are able to help integrate the left and right sides of their brain.

For example, if your child hits their sibling when they are playing together with Legos, you can help link the left and right sides of their brain and provide appropriate alternatives that will help them build their own coping skills to use the next time they are feeling big feelings. You can say: “You’re really angry sister took your red Lego (noting the feeling), but sister is not for hitting (noting the rules), you can choose (providing options for their coping skills toolbelt) to come tell Dad what happened, or you can choose to use another color Lego.” Then to sister: “You were really excited (right side: feeling) to use the red Lego, but the Lego are not for grabbing from brother’s hand (left side: logic), you can choose to hand brother the red Lego back and ask to use it or you can choose to hand it to me and pick another Lego (providing coping skills).”

You are able to help both of your children with emotional intelligence by noting how they feel and how behaviors are linked to feelings; you help both children understand the rules of

your household or rules in society; and you provide both of your children with alternative behaviors that help them build their coping skills toolbelt with appropriate behaviors.

Express feelings often.

Instead of talking about feelings only when a negative behavior occurs, you can talk about feelings all the time. Say “You’re really happy you scored a goal!” “You are excited for your sleepover.” “You’re worried about your test tomorrow.” Increasing your child’s feelings vocabulary and self-awareness can help with emotional intelligence, social relationships, self-control, and overall healthy development. Especially if you or someone in your family is going through a medical crisis, sharing feelings can be an important and necessary routine for your children so they don’t internalize their worries.

We know dads need support too, and at Mommies in Need, we are happy to help support you as you navigate the challenges of fatherhood. If you need extra support, contact the Play Therapy program at Mommies in Need.

Dads - you've got this! I am happy (feeling) to celebrate you this Father’s Day!